Garima Vyas
‘“And why do you want to be happy?” he asked.
‘It seemed like an absurd question.
‘“What do you mean why?” I shot back. Everyone wants to be happy. … Who wants to be sad all the time? It’s not normal, and it’s exhausting.” ’
This excerpt of a conversation between father and daughter duo, Mahesh and Shaheen Bhatt, highlights a major challenge to Indian mentality. For the longest time Indian society has been denying mental illness. Even depression and anxiety, some of the most common disorders, have been shoved under the carpet just because of their sheer inexplicability. I’ve Never Been Unhappier is a book meant to reach the masses and educate them about these very monsters.
‘There is nothing glorious or freeing or romantic or lovely about depression,’ says Bhatt in her book. ‘Depression is a monster, a villain and thief, but even the worst of experiences teach you something. Depression has taken a lot from me and it has also given me a lot, but only because I eventually demanded it.’ She has talked about her lowest of lows and her highest possible of highs; I have never come across metaphors more accurately describing what a depressive has to go through during each episode. Metaphors, because there are no words in any language which can give justice to the immensity and incredibility of the pain and sadness one suffers from – no, gets crushed under – in each depressive episode. Bhatt gives technical definitions, talks about the sense of futility so conclusively sown into her mind, about how sometimes it was difficult to even move from her bed for days on end. She also explains the difference between an obsession with death and suicidal tendencies.
Another topic covered is how anxiety, the crippling fear of the unknown, adds even more drama to the exact opposite event of a depressive episode. ‘Depression … isn’t uncertain about what it wants you to feel … Depression is futility brought to life and given a home inside your head,’ she says. ‘Anxiety is … uncertainty. It is the fear that something bad might be coming if you aren’t fully prepared.’ She talks of events where a mixture of both these nightmarish experiences come together and hit her so hard she loses control. If the reader wasn’t familiar enough with the truth of these most basic mental illnesses before, they sure will be now.
After these truthful, seemingly unreal narrations of illness comes her journey of healing. Bhatt paints for us the real picture of what therapy is and how it needs patience and nonstop trying. She tells us about her slow but nourishing journey to where she is today, epiphanies and all. She touches upon the importance of being vulnerable and of having an idea of what you want your life to be to slowly but surely act upon it, and to not give in to romantic notions like “sufferers become heroes.” Lastly she reminds us, as she reminds herself, that just like she has come so far from the beginning, she has it in her to go a long, long way.
As a student of psychology I picked this book out of absolute curiosity. This was so much more than I had hoped to find. Mental illness is something me and you cannot even begin to imagine, and I feel more than just grateful to Bhatt for daring to pour out her heart into this book, letting us reach into her nightmares and learn from her insights. This book, short enough for the average reader, has such powerful words it could bring about a revolution in this world where being mentally ill and talking about it are such a taboo.
The writer is currently pursuing BA in Psychology from MSU Baroda, and an active reader and a nature enthusiast. She believes mental health to be one of the top priorities in this changing world and she indefinitely try to do her bit every time she can. She even has her own blog https://awarriorspeaks.blogspot.com/?m=1 wherein she writes about her own emotional journey as a paraplegic and as a human being every now and then. She also share her inspiration and experience on Instagram handle – https://instagram.com/bookstabirb?igshid=1b2c06dh23xdo
Picture credit- @garimavyas